I was procrastinating at work yesterday and started thinking about how, a few months ago (when I went out with E and M) I had joked that I should start only going on first dates with guys, to break myself out of my typical cycle of serial monogamy. Started thinking about it more, and then just as a joke, I posted the following on Craigslist:
I am looking for someone to go on one, and possible two dates with, but absolutely no more. Please be clear: I am NOT looking for a one night stand. No sex whatsoever will be involved. Sorry, but I’m definitely not at all interested in no strings attached sex.
Basically, I’ve had a long string of short relationships and I’m over the disappointment of it all. So, I’ve decided that for awhile I’m going to take a First Date Only approach. Because how great is it when you have an amazing first date- you get on really well, you’re attracted to one another, you have that incredible first kiss and you’re giddy about it for a few days afterwards? I like that part. And let’s be honest, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. So why bother with the rest?
So would you like to go on a first date with me? I can promise you now that it will be a good one. I have nearly a 100% success rate with guys wanting to see me again (only one exception comes to mind and I am slightly baffled as to why he didn’t call me). Guys tend to really, really like me at first. Not sure what goes wrong a couple of months down the line, but lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out! You’ll just remember me as that adorable, charming and funny girl you went out with once, and who never called you again.
Me: I am 25, have got a masters degree and work as a policy researcher. I run marathons, but probably prefer being lazy. I like having a pint at the pub but also going to gigs and having a dance. I am cute, but probably not beautiful (though, saying that, I have been told that I am). I am smart and funny and self-deprecating and charming. And perhaps a bit overly confident, but I just like to think that I’ve got a firm grasp on reality.
In order for this to work, you must be the following:
– Between 25 and 35 years old.
– Relatively, but not too attractive. I don’t go for pretty boys. I do tend to prefer ‘em a bit more hipster-y, with stupid haircuts, etc. I lived in Camden for a year, if that gives any indication of what I’m into.
– Intelligent and well-educated. Obviously, everyone thinks this. But I’m pretty fucking smart, and you will lose pretty quickly if you make any ignorant or uninformed comments. Just not going to fly with me.
– Good sense of humour. Again, does anyone really look for someone who is *not* funny? But I have to say this, because you need to be able to keep up with me, and this should include being sarcastic and, ideally, making fun of me as well, because I don’t trust people that are too nice. It’s weird.
– Interested in stuff. I’m being pretty vague because it doesn’t really matter all that much, seeing as we’re only going out once. But, as long as you have some sort of interest in something that I can talk about, then that works. Like, music, politics, art. Anything really.
– You must drink. We’re only going to go on one date. We’ll probably have drinks, and if you’re a non-drinker, well that will just make it awkward. I don’t really care about getting to know you that well, because this doesn’t have a future. I just want to get a bit drunk and have a nice time and laugh and then never see you again.
– You must be a phenomenal kisser. The whole First Date Only approach basically only works if it ends with an amazing first (and basically only) kiss. So you better be good at it. You know if you are. If no one has ever told you you’re a good kisser, then you’re not. I’ll end the anticipation and let you know that I myself am an amazing kisser. It’s a fact. I’ve been told it enough times to know for certain that it’s true.
In addition to the above, you MUST HAVE at least one (but no more than two) of the following deal-breaking faults, so that even though I like you, I’ll know that we could never be in a relationship and so I won’t be that upset that we only go on one date.
1. Your job: banker, or something equally douchey. Not a fan. You might be a nice guy and all, but I wouldn’t want a banker to be my boyfriend.
2. Bad taste in music. R&B, Nickelback, heavy metal. Or no interest in music at all.
3. Recent split from a long-term girlfriend.
4. Lack of a group of guy friends. This will make me suspicious.
5. Have never travelled anywhere.
6. Live somewhere way in the depths of South London. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who lives so far that I would never go see them.
7. Actually, if you live somewhere like Fulham or Knightsbridge or somewhere that’s probably a deal breaker as well. Again, not a fan.
So that’s what I’m looking for. Someone who is awesome, but definitely not awesome enough to go out with again. Is that you? We could have such a kickass first and only date together.
I just wanted to see what kind of amusing responses I might get. But after posting it, I started thinking, well what IF I actually went through with it? And started going on just first dates with these randoms? Might make for interesting stories, if nothing else.
As I said, I posted the ad on Craigslist yesterday and at this point I’ve received 36 responses. About 25 of which are just creepy (as can be expected from those that troll Craigslist for dates, really) But there were at least 10 that responded thoughtfully, with proper use of grammar, spelling and most importantly, a sense of humour.
I haven’t decided exactly what the rules for my project should be.
1. Should they only be guys from the internet? Does it count if it’s someone I meet at a bar and agree to go out with? I definitely only want to go out with guys that I have no chance of ever seeing again. Thus, friends of friends and so forth are out of the question. I figure the internet is about as random as you can get, so for now, that’s where my First Dates will come from.
2. Do they absolutely have to know that I really only intend on going out with them once? Anyone who has responded to my half joking Craigslist ad will know that I intend to only make one date out of it, but not that I am going to blog about the project (though a couple of guys who responded asked if I was writing a book, or what tv show this was going to be on).
I think it could be interesting to see how someone acts on a first date when there is no chance whatsoever of a. sleeping together or b. developing a relationship. What’s in it for them? I’m not really sure what I intend to get out of it. But I’m pretty sure it will be hilarious.
Speaking of hilarious, I’ll post some of the responses I’ve received to my CL ad when I get a chance.