The First Date Only Project

Want a really great way to waste time? February 11, 2011

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Return from the dead January 19, 2011

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So you may have guessed that I gave up with my project. That’s because, I Met Someone Who I Thought Was Awesome and then, as all my friends probably expected, He Turned Out Not To Be Awesome At All.

Yeah… MISTAKE! In my defence, Mr Super Amazing Guy did a really good job of playing ‘hide the crazy’ for several months. I didn’t see him much, because of his insanely busy work schedule, and when we did see each other it was at bizarre rather unsociable hours because he would often work till midnight, 4am. He was pretty certain that we were going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after, but c’mon dude… you didn’t know me at ALL. Our relationship mostly consisted of having coffee and sitting around talking for maybe an hour, and then him sending me texts constantly throughout the week telling me how much he missed me and how perfect I am. Okay, I’ll admit it, I liked the attention, whether or not it made any sense. Then I discovered that he had completely unacceptable political viewpoints and there were far too many red flags to ignore.

So I dumped him.

And then I dumped him again.

And I swear to god, I spent all of September and October trying to dump this guy who WOULD NOT LET ME DUMP HIM. It was completely insane, I have never gotten so many pitiful text messages before. If I hadn’t already been certain that I didn’t want to see him anymore, he did an excellent job of convincing me.

And then! So remember the tall guy I met and accidentally really liked? (there are a whole lot of ‘accidentallys’ going on here… perhaps I should take more responsibility for my dating mishaps. Or not). Out of nowhere he texted me again in October. And we met up. And I still really like him. And now it seems we’re dating. And he is awesome. More about that another time.

Despite the fact that I’d made my intentions clear with the previous guy, as I said, he WOULD NOT GET DUMPED. And then the crazy got more intense. He texted me three times in the middle of the night one night- “are you ignoring me? I think you’re ignoring me” “you’re so stubborn you would be ignoring me ” “this would have been one of the nights I could have finally stayed over at yours. But you’re ignoring me.” I texted him in the morning telling him in no uncertain terms that perhaps we should not speak anymore.

A few nights later, he texted while I was on my way to tall guy’s saying he was coming over. I have no doubt he was actually on his way. I told him not to. He called me a bitch and said that it was obvious that I was dating someone and that “he had also started seeing someone” but that he just HAD TO SEE ME. Um… right.

Then began the phonecalls from a mobile number I didn’t recognise. A few more WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE texts and emails. And to be perfectly honest, I was getting slightly concerned he would show up at my flat at any moment.

It’s been about a month since I last heard from him. I think he’s gotten the hint. And by “hint” I mean “very direct messages that I sent in plain English saying that I no longer wanted anything to do with him”.

Here’s the hilarious thing though. I met him through this– Please let me break your emo heart. I hate to say you got what you signed up for because it was totally tongue in cheek I certainly didn’t mean for it to turn out that way… but… uh…. you got exactly what you signed up for. Just sayin’…

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… and then I accidentally met someone June 7, 2010

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I haven’t been around for awhile, but I’ve got a good reason. I’m probably not going to do any more first dates for awhile, because I met someone. And he’s amazing.

I mentioned him in my last post, actually. He responded to my “let me break your heart” ad. He was the one that I talked on the phone to for over an hour before going out with the awkward, boob-staring writer. After that eventful Saturday night a couple of weeks ago, he and I continued talking. Constantly. Until finally (I say *finally* but it was… um 3 days later) we met up.

He works ridiculous hours (often until 2 or 3 am) so he didn’t come pick me up until 11:30 at night. He was exactly as I expected him to be- handsome and sweet and so… normal. We went to Primrose Hill and sat at the top for awhile (romance!) and then walked around a bit, and finally kissed. Le sigh. I had this really strange feeling that I *knew* him, like I’d met him before… something about being with him felt so familiar.

So that’s why I haven’t been blogging for the last couple of weeks. I haven’t been able to see him loads because of his job, but I am a bit wrapped up in the whole situation.

Of course, this whole first date project was to prevent me from getting into one of these quick and intense relationships YET AGAIN but I can’t help myself. I am infatuated.

More soon, I promise.

 

Please let me break your emo heart May 13, 2010

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Photo source: The Evolution of the Hipster

I might be a little addicted to writing Craigslist personals. I’ve started cycling to work, and have gotten into the habit of composing them in my head during my nearly hour long commute. I wrote this one the other day.

Let me break your emo heart.

Once upon a time I was a fun and feisty girl in her early twenties, gallivanting around the world and breaking hearts on my path to domination of all men.

Ah, how I miss those days, now that I am tumbling towards my late twenties, my friends are all getting married, and I seem to have switched teams from the heartbreakers to the heartbreakees. There’s nothing better than the feeling of knowing your boyfriend is so in love with you that you will, without a doubt, be the one who ends up giving the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk. And nothing worse than being on the other side, sobbing for him to take you back…

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be in a stable, long-term, happy relationship. But having endured a string of not-so-enjoyable breakups that were slightly less than mutually agreed upon, I think I need to get back the old awesome “me” before a “real life” relationship is possible. So I’m looking for a boy who will fall head over heels for me, even slightly obsessively, and who I will almost definitely eventually dump.

Criteria:
1. Skinny, trendy, Shoreditch type. Cycling and skinny jeans are good. Fake hipster glasses I can tolerate. Tattoos are absolutely excellent.
2. Low self esteem. I.e. maybe you spent a good portion of your teen years crying along to Dashboard Confessional. That’s what I’m looking for. CRY EMO BOY CRY. Maybe girls have hurt you in the past- but instead of this making you guarded and “unable to love” this makes you desperate for a girl’s affection (like, for example, me. I promise I will like you and be really sweet to you and give you at least a minimal boost to your ego).
3. You’re age 25-35, not married, live in London. I think this is obvious, but maybe not.
4. It would be great if you had a sense of humour and didn’t write me hate mail for posting this, I should also add.

So, you are probably wondering, why would you put yourself through this? What do you get? Well, first of all, we will have a good time. I’m a great date and a fab girlfriend. I’m cute and funny and really easy to be around, so I’ve been told. Despite all information in the previous paragraphs pointing to the contrary, I’m not malicious or terrible.

We can go to gigs and pubs and drink lots of beer and do Londony stuff and it will be great fun for awhile. And then, once I’ve dumped you, you’ll have some really great material to write poems/ songs/ diary entries about. Think about it. Maybe all you’ve needed all this time to get your band off the ground is a girl like me to break your heart.

Obviously it’s all tongue in cheek and I don’t really intend on meeting anyone from it. To be perfectly honest, I am just a master procrastinator and I like the attention/ responses I get. This ad has been particularly fun, and surprisingly zero hate mail! And actually, there might be a couple potential first dates. I liked this response:

omg you are good….and I mean good….do you realise you have broken my heart already….here I sit sobbing at my keyboard just at the mere act of reading your CL ad………

I can feel the words welling up inside me already……… there’s an estranged organ in my chest…it beats for you …it will not rest…

tissues some body !!! I need tissue’s !!!…this cruel heartless woman has broken my heart and she is laughing….laughing I tell ya, laughing….

hey oh back to the hamster wheel for me to nurse my crushed soul.

It’s pretty clear that there’s a common thread through the posts I’ve written, though… “I suck at relationships wah wah waaaaaaah”. And I use humour to cover the bitter, angry hole in my soul. Hahahha I kid. Sort of. Meh, I’m actually quite enjoying all this. Going on first dates is preventing me from accidentally jumping into another relationship with someone I really oughtn’t be with. My friends have thought most (all) of my previous boyfriends were losers (they were right), but unfortunately my best friends live in other cities (countries, actually) and haven’t been able to prevent me from repeating the same mistakes again and again. Okay, I suppose I could probably take some of the responsibility for my actions and for the guys I choose to date and for not listening to anyone’s advice. I’m working on it. And frankly I’ve realised that this project is probably the best way to force myself to be a bit pickier.

 

Guys with girlfriends / Guys with ex-wives May 11, 2010

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1.  I’ve got a bit of a moral dilemma. I’ve received a response to my last Craigslist post… well, I’ve received over 60 again… many of which seem to have mass emailed every single girl on there. Umm, did you even read my ad? Didn’t think so. Also, side note: have gotten responses from at least 10 of the same people who responded to my original First Date post. Including Beardy McIrishman. I did not respond.

ANYWAY, long side note there, but speaking of Irish guys… so I received a response from an Irish guy, who lives in Ireland but comes to London frequently for work, he wants to meet up for a drink because he gets bored here. There seem to be a lot of “I’m only in town for the weekend/ would like someone to show me around London” types. Normally I don’t respond to those because I definitely get a “creeper looking for an escort” vibe from them. But, I’m a sucker for Irish guys, so I responded, cynically asking him what it was he was looking for. Not surprisingly, he’s got a girlfriend. He assures me he’s not looking for a London-side booty call or anything of the sort, but that I sound funny (he does too, being Irish) and it might be nice to just have a beer.

I am morally torn about this. On the one hand, I am really not into going anywhere near guys with girlfriends. On the other hand, I’ve certainly got plenty of unavailable male friends with whom I have a great time and there isn’t any funny business. Is it at all possible that maybe he does just want a drinking buddy while he’s in town? Or am I just being uncharacteristically naive because I really do love Irish guys?

2.  Dilemma #2 : divorced guys. The tall guy wants to see me a third time. I’ve mentioned this before, yes, but we chatted online yesterday and I coyly told him we couldn’t because of “the rules”. He may have logic-ed me into it- saying we could just meet up for a NETWORKING drink, as two people in the same line of work, and that it wouldn’t be a date and we wouldn’t have sex so it wouldn’t be breaking the rules. Flawless arguments.

I can’t decide whether I should, regardless of “the rules of my project” and all that. On the one hand, I like him, and it’s good harmless fun. On the other hand… he is recently divorced. Being only 25, I’ve never dated a divorced guy before. But I am very, very wary of Guys With Ex Issues. The last guy I dated had recently gotten out of a 10 year relationship (so he might as well have been married), and clearly wasn’t over that. A few others have seemed to never have gotten over former breakups, or had an ex lurking around in the background waiting to pounce. Obviously, at this point I certainly would expect a guy to have some exes, but I don’t know how to sort through the Normal Guys With Exes and Guys With Ex Issues. I am pretty sure Tall Guy falls into the latter category. I’ve certainly never been with anyone for anywhere near 11 years, but I reckon it takes more than 2.5 seconds to get over it. And I am pretty sick of being a rebound.

SO, I can’t decide if either of these are an issue in the context of this experiment. The whole point is for me to enjoy dates and have no expectation whatsoever of it going anywhere. I probably shouldn’t go out with Tall Guy for a third time (though, as he expertly argued, it wouldn’t be a *date* as such). And I can’t decide if meeting a guy with a girlfriend is just asking for trouble.

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“I’m not looking for a prostitute, but I’ll pay you for sex” May 9, 2010

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I posted another thing on Craigslist, a bit more vague and not mentioning that I only want a first date, and found this response particularly hilarious:

Hi
don’t know what to say… as i never done it before.. but…
i will keep it simple, i am white ,with black hair and eyes , i have been told i am handsome , looking for a nice girl, to spend 1 night with, but, i am not looking for escort , just simple single lady , who really hot and want to have date with nice guy, and am paying cash for that,
don’t think i cant find someone, but the idea of meeting someone , i don’t know who, for drinks and fun.. seriously turn me on..
my plan is to meet for a date, drinks, nice chat, then and if we feel relax with each other, we go to mine/yours for the night…and you will get cash…
by the way, seriously, i am good looking , handsome, very well educated, and funny..
really , i love to see you…
well, all of us we had from Time to time 1 night stand, so, why not, if its will be with nice guy, and you will get cash on the top… we could meet for drinks first… think about it and let me know..

Well I’m definitely not an escort, but you know what, guy, you’ve convinced me… you can pay me for sex. But I definitely won’t prostitute myself. Wait a minute. I think there might be a gap in logic somewhere…

 

I’ve run out of dates May 8, 2010

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I have a problem. I managed to take too long to set up all the dates from my original craigslist post, and I think I may have lost several along the way. In fact, it’s been nearly 2 months since I started this, and I think it may have passed the expiration date with a few I forgot about.

There is one who I’ve been emailing and texting with relative frequency since the beginning (including some ill-advised drunken St Paddy’s day text exchanges where I almost agreed to come to the party he was at. Luckily logic outweighed Guinness). We’ve actually made and broken dates twice- the first I cancelled (due to either laziness, skintness or something better to do), the second he cancelled (but I was relieved because it was for the night before I was leaving on holiday). I’ve only just returned from my holiday and he’s away this week, so I suppose we’ll have to see once he gets back if we’re on or not. I just realised what a long and boring explanation that was to say “we still haven’t met up”.

I’ve been spot on for my predictions of the three I’ve met so far (“desperate”, “a bit weird” and “normal and fun”) but this one I’m really unsure about. First, I don’t entirely  know what he looks like. The picture he sent was low rez. But he seemed good enough looking? We seem to have a lot in common on paper, studied the same things, did a term in France, run marathons. He called me once, to set up cancelled date #2 and I was surprised at how posh he sounded. Is being turned off by posh accents odd? I dunno, they just don’t do it for me.

SO aside from this one, I’ve got none left and I can’t decide what I should do. Post on Craigslist again? I’d have to be careful with that; I don’t want to get the same guys to respond. Go to a dating website? And if I go with dating website, should I be honest about the first date only policy?

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