The First Date Only Project

Please let me break your emo heart May 13, 2010

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Photo source: The Evolution of the Hipster

I might be a little addicted to writing Craigslist personals. I’ve started cycling to work, and have gotten into the habit of composing them in my head during my nearly hour long commute. I wrote this one the other day.

Let me break your emo heart.

Once upon a time I was a fun and feisty girl in her early twenties, gallivanting around the world and breaking hearts on my path to domination of all men.

Ah, how I miss those days, now that I am tumbling towards my late twenties, my friends are all getting married, and I seem to have switched teams from the heartbreakers to the heartbreakees. There’s nothing better than the feeling of knowing your boyfriend is so in love with you that you will, without a doubt, be the one who ends up giving the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk. And nothing worse than being on the other side, sobbing for him to take you back…

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be in a stable, long-term, happy relationship. But having endured a string of not-so-enjoyable breakups that were slightly less than mutually agreed upon, I think I need to get back the old awesome “me” before a “real life” relationship is possible. So I’m looking for a boy who will fall head over heels for me, even slightly obsessively, and who I will almost definitely eventually dump.

Criteria:
1. Skinny, trendy, Shoreditch type. Cycling and skinny jeans are good. Fake hipster glasses I can tolerate. Tattoos are absolutely excellent.
2. Low self esteem. I.e. maybe you spent a good portion of your teen years crying along to Dashboard Confessional. That’s what I’m looking for. CRY EMO BOY CRY. Maybe girls have hurt you in the past- but instead of this making you guarded and “unable to love” this makes you desperate for a girl’s affection (like, for example, me. I promise I will like you and be really sweet to you and give you at least a minimal boost to your ego).
3. You’re age 25-35, not married, live in London. I think this is obvious, but maybe not.
4. It would be great if you had a sense of humour and didn’t write me hate mail for posting this, I should also add.

So, you are probably wondering, why would you put yourself through this? What do you get? Well, first of all, we will have a good time. I’m a great date and a fab girlfriend. I’m cute and funny and really easy to be around, so I’ve been told. Despite all information in the previous paragraphs pointing to the contrary, I’m not malicious or terrible.

We can go to gigs and pubs and drink lots of beer and do Londony stuff and it will be great fun for awhile. And then, once I’ve dumped you, you’ll have some really great material to write poems/ songs/ diary entries about. Think about it. Maybe all you’ve needed all this time to get your band off the ground is a girl like me to break your heart.

Obviously it’s all tongue in cheek and I don’t really intend on meeting anyone from it. To be perfectly honest, I am just a master procrastinator and I like the attention/ responses I get. This ad has been particularly fun, and surprisingly zero hate mail! And actually, there might be a couple potential first dates. I liked this response:

omg you are good….and I mean good….do you realise you have broken my heart already….here I sit sobbing at my keyboard just at the mere act of reading your CL ad………

I can feel the words welling up inside me already……… there’s an estranged organ in my chest…it beats for you …it will not rest…

tissues some body !!! I need tissue’s !!!…this cruel heartless woman has broken my heart and she is laughing….laughing I tell ya, laughing….

hey oh back to the hamster wheel for me to nurse my crushed soul.

It’s pretty clear that there’s a common thread through the posts I’ve written, though… “I suck at relationships wah wah waaaaaaah”. And I use humour to cover the bitter, angry hole in my soul. Hahahha I kid. Sort of. Meh, I’m actually quite enjoying all this. Going on first dates is preventing me from accidentally jumping into another relationship with someone I really oughtn’t be with. My friends have thought most (all) of my previous boyfriends were losers (they were right), but unfortunately my best friends live in other cities (countries, actually) and haven’t been able to prevent me from repeating the same mistakes again and again. Okay, I suppose I could probably take some of the responsibility for my actions and for the guys I choose to date and for not listening to anyone’s advice. I’m working on it. And frankly I’ve realised that this project is probably the best way to force myself to be a bit pickier.

 

“I’m not looking for a prostitute, but I’ll pay you for sex” May 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 11:59 am
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I posted another thing on Craigslist, a bit more vague and not mentioning that I only want a first date, and found this response particularly hilarious:

Hi
don’t know what to say… as i never done it before.. but…
i will keep it simple, i am white ,with black hair and eyes , i have been told i am handsome , looking for a nice girl, to spend 1 night with, but, i am not looking for escort , just simple single lady , who really hot and want to have date with nice guy, and am paying cash for that,
don’t think i cant find someone, but the idea of meeting someone , i don’t know who, for drinks and fun.. seriously turn me on..
my plan is to meet for a date, drinks, nice chat, then and if we feel relax with each other, we go to mine/yours for the night…and you will get cash…
by the way, seriously, i am good looking , handsome, very well educated, and funny..
really , i love to see you…
well, all of us we had from Time to time 1 night stand, so, why not, if its will be with nice guy, and you will get cash on the top… we could meet for drinks first… think about it and let me know..

Well I’m definitely not an escort, but you know what, guy, you’ve convinced me… you can pay me for sex. But I definitely won’t prostitute myself. Wait a minute. I think there might be a gap in logic somewhere…

 

A very angry, bitter man March 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 1:30 pm
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Just thought I’d share one of the really kind responses I got to my CL post:

Hi,

I saw the ad on Craigslist and you seem like a deluded individual. I don’t want to go out with you as I think you are a fucking idiot. If anyone reply’s back to you, then they are a fucking cunt. Forsaking their self-respect and submitting to your wants, all for a date.

You have to be pretty fucking special to have demands like yours. I know that you are a fucking dog(how do I know that, you ask?). Your job title says it all. I know many policy researcher’s and they are boring fuckwits, and normally women who at college where not on top of everyone’s list for a date.

You think by doing this you can get a date otherwise your bang out of luck.

Wake up to reality.

Deep

I’m not sure it’s really worth commenting. Suffice it to say someone needs to get a sense of humour. And get laid. Obviously, it won’t be by me though, because I’m clearly “a fucking dog”.

 

The First Date Only Project Begins March 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 6:51 pm
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I was procrastinating at work yesterday and started thinking about how, a few months ago (when I went out with E and M) I had joked that I should start only going on first dates with guys, to break myself out of my typical cycle of serial monogamy. Started thinking about it more, and then just as a joke, I posted the following on Craigslist:

Looking for one, possibly two dates (no sex)

I am looking for someone to go on one, and possible two dates with, but absolutely no more. Please be clear: I am NOT looking for a one night stand. No sex whatsoever will be involved. Sorry, but I’m definitely not at all interested in no strings attached sex.

Basically, I’ve had a long string of short relationships and I’m over the disappointment of it all. So, I’ve decided that for awhile I’m going to take a First Date Only approach. Because how great is it when you have an amazing first date- you get on really well, you’re attracted to one another, you have that incredible first kiss and you’re giddy about it for a few days afterwards? I like that part. And let’s be honest, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. So why bother with the rest?

So would you like to go on a first date with me? I can promise you now that it will be a good one. I have nearly a 100% success rate with guys wanting to see me again (only one exception comes to mind and I am slightly baffled as to why he didn’t call me). Guys tend to really, really like me at first. Not sure what goes wrong a couple of months down the line, but lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out! You’ll just remember me as that adorable, charming and funny girl you went out with once, and who never called you again.

Me: I am 25, have got a masters degree and work as a policy researcher. I run marathons, but probably prefer being lazy. I like having a pint at the pub but also going to gigs and having a dance. I am cute, but probably not beautiful (though, saying that, I have been told that I am). I am smart and funny and self-deprecating and charming. And perhaps a bit overly confident, but I just like to think that I’ve got a firm grasp on reality.

In order for this to work, you must be the following:
– Between 25 and 35 years old.
– Relatively, but not too attractive. I don’t go for pretty boys. I do tend to prefer ‘em a bit more hipster-y, with stupid haircuts, etc. I lived in Camden for a year, if that gives any indication of what I’m into.
– Intelligent and well-educated. Obviously, everyone thinks this. But I’m pretty fucking smart, and you will lose pretty quickly if you make any ignorant or uninformed comments. Just not going to fly with me.
– Good sense of humour. Again, does anyone really look for someone who is *not* funny? But I have to say this, because you need to be able to keep up with me, and this should include being sarcastic and, ideally, making fun of me as well, because I don’t trust people that are too nice. It’s weird.
– Interested in stuff. I’m being pretty vague because it doesn’t really matter all that much, seeing as we’re only going out once. But, as long as you have some sort of interest in something that I can talk about, then that works. Like, music, politics, art. Anything really.
– You must drink. We’re only going to go on one date. We’ll probably have drinks, and if you’re a non-drinker, well that will just make it awkward. I don’t really care about getting to know you that well, because this doesn’t have a future. I just want to get a bit drunk and have a nice time and laugh and then never see you again.
– You must be a phenomenal kisser. The whole First Date Only approach basically only works if it ends with an amazing first (and basically only) kiss. So you better be good at it. You know if you are. If no one has ever told you you’re a good kisser, then you’re not. I’ll end the anticipation and let you know that I myself am an amazing kisser. It’s a fact. I’ve been told it enough times to know for certain that it’s true.

BUT ALSO.

In addition to the above, you MUST HAVE at least one (but no more than two) of the following deal-breaking faults, so that even though I like you, I’ll know that we could never be in a relationship and so I won’t be that upset that we only go on one date.

1. Your job: banker, or something equally douchey. Not a fan. You might be a nice guy and all, but I wouldn’t want a banker to be my boyfriend.
2. Bad taste in music. R&B, Nickelback, heavy metal. Or no interest in music at all.
3. Recent split from a long-term girlfriend.
4. Lack of a group of guy friends. This will make me suspicious.
5. Have never travelled anywhere.
6. Live somewhere way in the depths of South London. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who lives so far that I would never go see them.
7. Actually, if you live somewhere like Fulham or Knightsbridge or somewhere that’s probably a deal breaker as well. Again, not a fan.

So that’s what I’m looking for. Someone who is awesome, but definitely not awesome enough to go out with again. Is that you? We could have such a kickass first and only date together.

I just wanted to see what kind of amusing responses I might get. But after posting it, I started thinking, well what IF I actually went through with it? And started going on just first dates with these randoms? Might make for interesting stories, if nothing else.

As I said, I posted the ad on Craigslist yesterday and at this point I’ve received 36 responses. About 25 of which are just creepy (as can be expected from those that troll Craigslist for dates, really) But there were at least 10 that responded thoughtfully, with proper use of grammar, spelling and most importantly, a sense of humour.

I haven’t decided exactly what the rules for my project should be.

1. Should they only be guys from the internet? Does it count if it’s someone I meet at a bar and agree to go out with? I definitely only want to go out with guys that I have no chance of ever seeing again. Thus, friends of friends and so forth are out of the question. I figure the internet is about as random as you can get, so for now, that’s where my First Dates will come from.

2. Do they absolutely have to know that I really only intend on going out with them once? Anyone who has responded to my half joking Craigslist ad will know that I intend to only make one date out of it, but not that I am going to blog about the project (though a couple of guys who responded asked if I was writing a book, or what tv show this was going to be on).

I think it could be interesting to see how someone acts on a first date when there is no chance whatsoever of a. sleeping together or b. developing a relationship. What’s in it for them? I’m not really sure what I intend to get out of it. But I’m pretty sure it will be hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious, I’ll post some of the responses I’ve received to my CL ad when I get a chance.