The First Date Only Project

My Saturday Juggling Act May 16, 2010

Filed under: First date — Firstdateonly @ 9:23 pm
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I’m still nursing my hangover from last night, but I have to say… it was well worth it. An interesting weekend to say the least. Saturday night was meant to go like this:

Afternoon date (first date only, from the original ad)

Evening date

Engagement party for a friend

I just wanted to see if it could all be done. And possibly like the idea that I’m scheduling my life into a sort of bad sitcom, in which ridiculous and implausible situations take place, with hilarious mishaps resulting.

The afternoon date cancelled on me, which is just as well. He and I have rescheduled for next Wednesday and I’m looking forward to it. He’s French, and (I think) pretty hot. I have a thing for French guys… or maybe it’s just that I haven’t spoken French much since I moved here and I really enjoy the practice.

Anyway, it’s just as well that he cancelled because I ended up spending most of the afternoon talking to another guy who responded to the emo heart ad. And he is so great. He’s incredibly attractive and we get on annoyingly well. After talking online and texting for awhile, he called me and we talked for over an hour. We just really click. He’s funny and, it sounds ridiculously cliché but I feel like he “gets” me and we’ve known each other forever. He’s not really looking for a relationship and to be honest, I’m perfectly happy with the idea of just being friends.

So after my long chat with him, I got ready for my date (which I nearly forgot about and was late for).

The guy: responded to the emo ad, seemed to have a good sense of humour. Half American. Writer. Humorous email exchanges for the last week or so.

We met up in Old Street and went to Electricity Showroom. First impression: I could tell it was him, but for some reason he looked… different than I expected. He was also nervous. Very nervous. I forget that people get nervous on dates, because I usually just don’t at all. Maybe it’s just when I really don’t give a shit. And I definitely did not.

It was terribly, terribly awkward. The conversation did not flow, and I found myself drinking a lot more quickly than I normally would have because raising my glass to my mouth made me feel better than enduring the deafening silences. I thought about sabotaging the date, and realllllly drawing out those awkward moments, but I just couldn’t do it… when I feel uncomfortable I get far more chatty and funny and probably accidentally more flirty (which is possibly why guys don’t realise what a terrible time I’m having). There was a lot of that. He was just, I don’t know, a bit odd, just a very nervous person. He kept playing with the candle on the table, almost compulsively putting his hand over it, moving it away, putting it back… I just wanted to grab it from him. Oh, and he kept staring blatantly at my boobs. There’s really not much to see there. And it’s not like I was wearing anything particularly revealing. I’m not sure what he was looking for.

Again, in an attempt to stop being completely overly critical, he was a perfectly nice guy. And it definitely got less terrible after a pint or so, but I just wasn’t interested in drawing it out. Fourth first date only: FAIL. Luckily, I had the engagement party as an excuse to get out, after only 2 pints and an hour and a half of insufferable conversation. I got out real quick, with just a peck on the cheek.

On the way over to the party, the guy I’d spoken to in the afternoon and I texted back and forth a bit. I was already a bit tipsy (no dinner + 2 pints) and tried to get him to come out. He works excessively, though, and couldn’t. So I went to the party, and in between text flirting with him, I met a friend of my engaged friend, who is quite cute, and we flirted the whole evening. Drunk me spent a good hour or so jokingly trying to convince him that a giant elephant piece of artwork was actually a pinata, and that it was definitely a great idea to go kick it and see if there was candy inside. Thankfully, he did not. Though the bouncer started to get concerned about us lurking near the Art and advised us to move.

Cute friend had to get the last tube back, and I decided it would be sensible to do the same. Okay, so I actually was hoping that maybe we’d make out a little bit. And, yes, we did. Silly drunk boy was so distracted he almost missed his stop, and then had to rush off and said “Oh shit, I forgot to get your number… well, um, I’ll ask (our mutual friend)”. (I spoke to our friend this morning, who said that the guy had told him he was really into me, so he’s going to hook us up, apparently)

So a brief summary of this weekend:

1.One date- bad

2.One date rescheduled for next week

3.One snog- good

4.Many online conversations, texts, phonecalls with a new guy- excellent.

Photo source

 

Guys with girlfriends / Guys with ex-wives May 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 12:05 pm
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1.  I’ve got a bit of a moral dilemma. I’ve received a response to my last Craigslist post… well, I’ve received over 60 again… many of which seem to have mass emailed every single girl on there. Umm, did you even read my ad? Didn’t think so. Also, side note: have gotten responses from at least 10 of the same people who responded to my original First Date post. Including Beardy McIrishman. I did not respond.

ANYWAY, long side note there, but speaking of Irish guys… so I received a response from an Irish guy, who lives in Ireland but comes to London frequently for work, he wants to meet up for a drink because he gets bored here. There seem to be a lot of “I’m only in town for the weekend/ would like someone to show me around London” types. Normally I don’t respond to those because I definitely get a “creeper looking for an escort” vibe from them. But, I’m a sucker for Irish guys, so I responded, cynically asking him what it was he was looking for. Not surprisingly, he’s got a girlfriend. He assures me he’s not looking for a London-side booty call or anything of the sort, but that I sound funny (he does too, being Irish) and it might be nice to just have a beer.

I am morally torn about this. On the one hand, I am really not into going anywhere near guys with girlfriends. On the other hand, I’ve certainly got plenty of unavailable male friends with whom I have a great time and there isn’t any funny business. Is it at all possible that maybe he does just want a drinking buddy while he’s in town? Or am I just being uncharacteristically naive because I really do love Irish guys?

2.  Dilemma #2 : divorced guys. The tall guy wants to see me a third time. I’ve mentioned this before, yes, but we chatted online yesterday and I coyly told him we couldn’t because of “the rules”. He may have logic-ed me into it- saying we could just meet up for a NETWORKING drink, as two people in the same line of work, and that it wouldn’t be a date and we wouldn’t have sex so it wouldn’t be breaking the rules. Flawless arguments.

I can’t decide whether I should, regardless of “the rules of my project” and all that. On the one hand, I like him, and it’s good harmless fun. On the other hand… he is recently divorced. Being only 25, I’ve never dated a divorced guy before. But I am very, very wary of Guys With Ex Issues. The last guy I dated had recently gotten out of a 10 year relationship (so he might as well have been married), and clearly wasn’t over that. A few others have seemed to never have gotten over former breakups, or had an ex lurking around in the background waiting to pounce. Obviously, at this point I certainly would expect a guy to have some exes, but I don’t know how to sort through the Normal Guys With Exes and Guys With Ex Issues. I am pretty sure Tall Guy falls into the latter category. I’ve certainly never been with anyone for anywhere near 11 years, but I reckon it takes more than 2.5 seconds to get over it. And I am pretty sick of being a rebound.

SO, I can’t decide if either of these are an issue in the context of this experiment. The whole point is for me to enjoy dates and have no expectation whatsoever of it going anywhere. I probably shouldn’t go out with Tall Guy for a third time (though, as he expertly argued, it wouldn’t be a *date* as such). And I can’t decide if meeting a guy with a girlfriend is just asking for trouble.

Photo source

 

First date: Hampstead Guy March 20, 2010

Filed under: First date — Firstdateonly @ 8:02 pm
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My first and DEFINITELY ONLY date with Hampstead Guy was today.

I met up with a friend at Borough Market beforehand, and discussed the possibilities of the date. She also works in finance (he’s a banker) and said she was certain she could determine exactly what type of guy he’d be based on what type of work he did. “So he works on six spreadsheets at a time… he’s a trader. Which means there are two possibilities: either he’s a nerdy, socially awkward maths guy who has started to think he’s pretty cool because he makes a lot of money. Or he was a pretty cool guy and then started to make a lot of money and became incredibly arrogant. Judging by his excessive texts, I’d bet money it’s the former.” Spot on.

I arrived 15 minutes late to our date (my friend and I decided I might as well do lots of “date no’s” on this date as I didn’t expect it to go well). He looked like his picture… except shorter than I expected, and chubbier.  First impression: Not good.

We walked to the pub (The Freemasons Arms), where we had whatever-meal-you-call-it-when-it’s-3pm. I had pizza (carbo loading for a long run tomorrow!) and we shared a bottle of wine, and then an amazing brownie with ice cream.

I’m going to do my best not to be overly critical, because he was honestly a really, really nice guy. We chatted and had nice banter, he asked me a lot about myself and I talked away. It probably would have been a really good date had I been remotely attracted to him. But I really wasn’t. So I tried a bit of date sabotage. I mentioned my millionaire Italian exboyfriend (and that he had given me the bracelet I was wearing). I- no joke- showed him that when I’m really full I can make my belly look pregnant (and also mentioned that I used to occasionally try to freak out my exes with this). I talked endlessly about myself. Aren’t these all things that are supposed to put people off? Unfortunately, it turns out that my date sabotage tactics are incredibly endearing. Dammit.

We left the pub and started walking through Hampstead Heath towards the overground station. I started dreading that he might try to kiss me, but just prayed that he might be too much of a gentleman (or too shy). Nope. As soon as there were fewer people around, he started to put his arm around me (I elbowed him in the stomach) and then he turned me to kiss him. I didn’t know how to get out of it, so I let it happen.

And I got a whiff of an unmistakable odour. Eau de Fat Steve.

I should probably explain. Fat Steve was a guy who lived in my rez in first year. He, as you probably interpreted, was really very overweight. And the showers in our rez were very small, and I do wonder if he fit in them. Possibly not, and this would explain his incredible odour. Something like stale body odour, mixed with a bit of foot and possibly some rotting junk food. I once had to go into his room, and was seriously overcome with this stench. I have never forgotten it.

Hampstead Guy smelled- just slightly- like Fat Steve. It didn’t help that I wasn’t attracted to him at all to begin with, but kissing him and smelling this was pretty difficult. I’ll give him some credit, he wasn’t the worst kisser in the world, but I suppose that having to close my eyes, hold my breath, and think of someone else probably takes away from the kissing experience.

We walked through the Heath, with him occasionally trying his “ignore-your-defensive-elbows-and-try-to-take-you-in-my-arms” kissing approach. Finally we got to Gospel Oak Station. It was closed, and we’d have to walk one further to Hampstead Heath Station. Dammit.

He joked about our possible second date. I told him the rules. JUST FIRST DATES, YO. He was pretty confident that this one was good enough to merit a second, and in fact, how did I know for sure that I wouldn’t want this to go somewhere, that this could in fact *be something*? I walked faster, and began talking non-stop (about how super amazing I am at all aspects of life) hoping this was deter further kissing attempts.

Finally we got to the station. He asked what I was doing tomorrow after my run, or later during the week. Conveniently (and actually, not at all untrue), I am actually very busy. So he suggested maybe we meet up next weekend. I said coyly that we’ll see.

He texted me when I got home, saying that I’m awesome and that it was really great to spend time with me today.

At least he can’t take it personally when I don’t respond. I warned him that was how it would be.

I might go brush my teeth now.