The First Date Only Project

Return from the dead January 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 1:26 pm
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So you may have guessed that I gave up with my project. That’s because, I Met Someone Who I Thought Was Awesome and then, as all my friends probably expected, He Turned Out Not To Be Awesome At All.

Yeah… MISTAKE! In my defence, Mr Super Amazing Guy did a really good job of playing ‘hide the crazy’ for several months. I didn’t see him much, because of his insanely busy work schedule, and when we did see each other it was at bizarre rather unsociable hours because he would often work till midnight, 4am. He was pretty certain that we were going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after, but c’mon dude… you didn’t know me at ALL. Our relationship mostly consisted of having coffee and sitting around talking for maybe an hour, and then him sending me texts constantly throughout the week telling me how much he missed me and how perfect I am. Okay, I’ll admit it, I liked the attention, whether or not it made any sense. Then I discovered that he had completely unacceptable political viewpoints and there were far too many red flags to ignore.

So I dumped him.

And then I dumped him again.

And I swear to god, I spent all of September and October trying to dump this guy who WOULD NOT LET ME DUMP HIM. It was completely insane, I have never gotten so many pitiful text messages before. If I hadn’t already been certain that I didn’t want to see him anymore, he did an excellent job of convincing me.

And then! So remember the tall guy I met and accidentally really liked? (there are a whole lot of ‘accidentallys’ going on here… perhaps I should take more responsibility for my dating mishaps. Or not). Out of nowhere he texted me again in October. And we met up. And I still really like him. And now it seems we’re dating. And he is awesome. More about that another time.

Despite the fact that I’d made my intentions clear with the previous guy, as I said, he WOULD NOT GET DUMPED. And then the crazy got more intense. He texted me three times in the middle of the night one night- “are you ignoring me? I think you’re ignoring me” “you’re so stubborn you would be ignoring me ” “this would have been one of the nights I could have finally stayed over at yours. But you’re ignoring me.” I texted him in the morning telling him in no uncertain terms that perhaps we should not speak anymore.

A few nights later, he texted while I was on my way to tall guy’s saying he was coming over. I have no doubt he was actually on his way. I told him not to. He called me a bitch and said that it was obvious that I was dating someone and that “he had also started seeing someone” but that he just HAD TO SEE ME. Um… right.

Then began the phonecalls from a mobile number I didn’t recognise. A few more WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE texts and emails. And to be perfectly honest, I was getting slightly concerned he would show up at my flat at any moment.

It’s been about a month since I last heard from him. I think he’s gotten the hint. And by “hint” I mean “very direct messages that I sent in plain English saying that I no longer wanted anything to do with him”.

Here’s the hilarious thing though. I met him through this– Please let me break your emo heart. I hate to say you got what you signed up for because it was totally tongue in cheek I certainly didn’t mean for it to turn out that way… but… uh…. you got exactly what you signed up for. Just sayin’…

image source

 

Please let me break your emo heart May 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Firstdateonly @ 9:51 am
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Photo source: The Evolution of the Hipster

I might be a little addicted to writing Craigslist personals. I’ve started cycling to work, and have gotten into the habit of composing them in my head during my nearly hour long commute. I wrote this one the other day.

Let me break your emo heart.

Once upon a time I was a fun and feisty girl in her early twenties, gallivanting around the world and breaking hearts on my path to domination of all men.

Ah, how I miss those days, now that I am tumbling towards my late twenties, my friends are all getting married, and I seem to have switched teams from the heartbreakers to the heartbreakees. There’s nothing better than the feeling of knowing your boyfriend is so in love with you that you will, without a doubt, be the one who ends up giving the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk. And nothing worse than being on the other side, sobbing for him to take you back…

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be in a stable, long-term, happy relationship. But having endured a string of not-so-enjoyable breakups that were slightly less than mutually agreed upon, I think I need to get back the old awesome “me” before a “real life” relationship is possible. So I’m looking for a boy who will fall head over heels for me, even slightly obsessively, and who I will almost definitely eventually dump.

Criteria:
1. Skinny, trendy, Shoreditch type. Cycling and skinny jeans are good. Fake hipster glasses I can tolerate. Tattoos are absolutely excellent.
2. Low self esteem. I.e. maybe you spent a good portion of your teen years crying along to Dashboard Confessional. That’s what I’m looking for. CRY EMO BOY CRY. Maybe girls have hurt you in the past- but instead of this making you guarded and “unable to love” this makes you desperate for a girl’s affection (like, for example, me. I promise I will like you and be really sweet to you and give you at least a minimal boost to your ego).
3. You’re age 25-35, not married, live in London. I think this is obvious, but maybe not.
4. It would be great if you had a sense of humour and didn’t write me hate mail for posting this, I should also add.

So, you are probably wondering, why would you put yourself through this? What do you get? Well, first of all, we will have a good time. I’m a great date and a fab girlfriend. I’m cute and funny and really easy to be around, so I’ve been told. Despite all information in the previous paragraphs pointing to the contrary, I’m not malicious or terrible.

We can go to gigs and pubs and drink lots of beer and do Londony stuff and it will be great fun for awhile. And then, once I’ve dumped you, you’ll have some really great material to write poems/ songs/ diary entries about. Think about it. Maybe all you’ve needed all this time to get your band off the ground is a girl like me to break your heart.

Obviously it’s all tongue in cheek and I don’t really intend on meeting anyone from it. To be perfectly honest, I am just a master procrastinator and I like the attention/ responses I get. This ad has been particularly fun, and surprisingly zero hate mail! And actually, there might be a couple potential first dates. I liked this response:

omg you are good….and I mean good….do you realise you have broken my heart already….here I sit sobbing at my keyboard just at the mere act of reading your CL ad………

I can feel the words welling up inside me already……… there’s an estranged organ in my chest…it beats for you …it will not rest…

tissues some body !!! I need tissue’s !!!…this cruel heartless woman has broken my heart and she is laughing….laughing I tell ya, laughing….

hey oh back to the hamster wheel for me to nurse my crushed soul.

It’s pretty clear that there’s a common thread through the posts I’ve written, though… “I suck at relationships wah wah waaaaaaah”. And I use humour to cover the bitter, angry hole in my soul. Hahahha I kid. Sort of. Meh, I’m actually quite enjoying all this. Going on first dates is preventing me from accidentally jumping into another relationship with someone I really oughtn’t be with. My friends have thought most (all) of my previous boyfriends were losers (they were right), but unfortunately my best friends live in other cities (countries, actually) and haven’t been able to prevent me from repeating the same mistakes again and again. Okay, I suppose I could probably take some of the responsibility for my actions and for the guys I choose to date and for not listening to anyone’s advice. I’m working on it. And frankly I’ve realised that this project is probably the best way to force myself to be a bit pickier.